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Amazon sobered up this year and dropped its wine service. You can’t buy your smokes on Amazon, either. But that doesn’t mean the nation’s biggest online retailer doesn’t sell items that pair perfectly with your indulgences.
Here are 7 things you didn’t know you wanted until they popped up on the screen…
Keeps your booze locked up tight
A lockable bottle stopper.
Half stopper, half three-digit combination lock, the Epicureanist Padlock Stopper promises you can use this device to prevent spills and unwanted sips. While it’s been on the market since 2014, no one has reviewed it yet but stock is running low and more is on the way, so it must be popular, right?
It’s not perfectly clear how this thing prevents just anyone from yanking the stopper out of the bottle, but if you have moochers or teenagers in the house, may as well give it a try for less than $6.
The perfect cocktails without leaving home
A pro drink mixer.
Bet you didn’t know mixing a drink would require an electronic scale and Bluetooth capability. But for those particular about the perfect cocktail, apparently the Perfect Drink PRO Smart Scale + Recipe App are the next best thing to bringing the bartender home.
Purchase includes an electronic scale and a drink shaker. Those in hand, download the accompanying app with recipes and set up a Bluetooth connection to the scale. Set the shaker on the scale and pour the first ingredient until your phone alerts you to stop. Then move on to the next ingredient. More than 40 customers have weighed in on this one and found it worthy of 4.5 stars.
The best thing about the Perfect Drink Pro is the backstory. Two guys drinking lychee martinis in Hong Kong ask themselves, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could make this at home and it’d taste like this everytime?” Looks like they’ve applied the same technology to baking mixes. Buy the right version and it does double duty.
Sneak your drinks
A concealable, non-metal flask aka the “cruise” flask.
An entire cottage industry has sprung up to end-run the high cost of liquor onboard cruise ships – and to sneak contraband into stadiums, concerts, movie theaters and glass-free beaches. The solution they’re peddling: flexible pouches with spouts. (Think Capri Sun without having to stab the straw into the container.)
Check your brands, there are a few, but some boasting points include being BPA free – that’s the nasty stuff in some plastics that you don’t want to be ingesting. Most promise the flasks are undetectable by X-ray scanners, reusable, freezable and floatable. Just don’t fill them with soda – carbonated drinks don’t play well with the material.
Mood therapy and a Grey Goose empty.
You may say “recycled” but the seller calls these empties “upcycled.” Specifically Upcycled Grey Goose Mood Therapy Liquor Bottles. Really we’re talking an empty bottle with some pretty lights stuffed inside that can sit on your bar, in the man cave or wherever one displays fine liquor. If it’s not obvious, you’ll need to plug this into work, but the mini LEDs come with an 8-function light show controller so you get a bit of a show for the effort.
Grey Goose Vodka, not your thing? No worries. The Bottle Upcycler also stocks Patron Tequila, Jameson Irish Whiskey and Crown Royal.
Best pitch: Everyone will love it, even grandma. They’re that cool. (The seller also has this warning: The bottles, now that they’ve been upcycled, aren’t any good for storing liquor. )
Don’t drink, but do smoke?
You bring the tobacco (or whatever is legal in your state), Amazon has tools to grind it, roll it, and store it. But that’s so pedestrian.
The ashtray that doubles as an Egyptian decorative orb.
Thought the ashtray had gone the way of the buggy whip? Nope. If anything they’ve gotten more kitsch or elaborate in their mission. This ash orb proves the point.
Don’t worry that your best friend may have beaten you to this item – Winterworm has 11 themed ashtray globes to distinguish you from the pack. “The Cute Sphere would open to welcome your cigarette until your smoking experience is over. Then the pyramid shuts down smoothly to keep the smell of the ash locked in.”
The pitch: A perfect Father’s Day Gift.
Vape pen caddy
The Vape Stand “Rogue 2”.
It may look like an artist’s palette waiting to be filled with small cylinders of paints, but this two-tiered acrylic tray is intended to hold multiple “mods, tips, bottles and batteries” – the tools of the vaping world. It even has rubber feet so your countertops don’t get scratched. Customers give it 4.5 stars.
Almost as amusing, read the customer questions: “Will this fit smoke baby Beast?” Why, yes, it will.
Vape cloud fan
It looks like one of those home computer gadgets that answers trivia and turns on your coffee maker, but the VapeNut by AvatarControls is actually a high-tech air purifier that sniffs the moment those e-cigarette clouds form and whisks them away. Aside: What’s the point of raspberry scented vape fumes if you need to buy a $99 gadget to extinguish them?
You can turn the VapeNut on or you can set it to automatic. The pitch includes bringing “more fun for e-cigarette users.”