Financial Marriage Counseling May Head Off Divorce

Tension, anger and resentment over money issues can damage or destroy marital bliss faster than an ATM spits out $20 bills. So, how big of a marriage-killer can finances be?

Around 20% of respondents in a survey by major credit bureau Experian said that financial conflict was a major factor in their divorce, and 59% credited finances with the breakup of their marriage. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Premarital financial counseling can offer insight on your and a potential spouse’s spending habits, help avoid future misunderstandings and improve communication about money.

Learn 6 ways premarital financial counseling can alleviate financial tension in a marriage.

Premarital counseling is a good first step down the aisle

Financial counseling is usually a component of premarital counseling, which generally includes completing questionnaires on communication, conflict resolution skills, goals and both individual and couple traits. Then you’ll spend several sessions together with a counselor going over results, setting goals and discussing expected roles in the marriage.

Many churches and community organizations also offer courses focused solely on premarital financial counseling. “Most couples rate premarital counseling as very helpful, and it also establishes in their relationship a positive attitude about seeking help if marriage problems arise in the future,” according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT).

Avoid spending habit surprises

If your idea of married life is dinner at home most nights but your spouse prefers going out, that’s a difference that can spell trouble in the budget – and the marriage. Plenty of other spending habits can clash, too.

For example, what if you want to spend on clothes or entertainment every month but your spouse-to-be wants to cut those expenses to save for emergencies? Premarital financial counseling can help each of you better understand the other’s spending habits and financial goals.

Decide who manages the money

You may plan to pay expenses with both incomes, but you still need to decide who will act as the official “accountant” to get payments to the right places on time. Maybe one person will pay utilities while the other buys groceries every week, or maybe one spouse will handle all payments.

Whatever you decide, having clear expectations about each other’s financial responsibilities can help avoid resentment that can smolder from unspoken expectations not being met.

Discuss separate or joint accounts

Don’t wait until you’re married to decide whether you want joint or separate bank accounts. The same goes for credit cards and loans. You may assume that you’ll pool all money as a couple but what if your betrothed expects that some or all bank and accounts will remain separate?

With premarital financial counseling, you’ll go into the marriage with expectations based on reality from discussing both of your views on money, saving and debt. The counselor or therapist can help you find a way to agree on compromises or solutions that will work for both of you.

Know each other’s creditworthiness

The last thing you want to find out about your spouse is that he or she has terrible credit and you can’t buy a house, car or anything else together. Yet 47% of respondents in the Experian survey said they didn’t know their spouse’s credit score until after they married.

Premarital financial counseling can help you make an informed choice to either marry while your partner is working to improve his or her credit score or postpone wedding plans until you’re both on equal creditworthy footing.

Eliminate debt secrets

Hiding a large amount of debt from your partner until you’re “safely” married is a bad idea. Yet many people enter marriage with debt concealed from a partner who might disapprove or even slam the brakes on wedding plans. For example, the Experian survey found that 42% of people didn’t even know their partner had student loan debt until the couple divorced.

Even if only one person in the couple is legally responsible for a credit card, student loan or other debt, the burden of that monthly expense can put a strain on marital finances. With premarital financial counseling, you can start the marriage off with trust instead of secrets and create a plan to pay off debt.