Whenever you are dating somebody, you would like to flaunt your most remarkable qualities. However, when you’re in a massive amount of debt, you might be hesitant to tell that person about it. After all, most people believe that debt is a deal-breaker when it comes to love.
Although it might be appealing to wait until you’re into a serious relationship prior to telling your partner about your debt, it can lead to disaster if your partner believes you deceived him/her by not revealing it
When’s the right time to reveal you have debt when dating someone?
If you want my opinion, it’s a good idea to notify somebody about your unpaid debts as soon as you start a future with him/her or have a discussion about entering into a serious relationship. Of course, this matter isn’t something to discuss on a first, or first couple of dates. Take your time and talk about it while turning your relationship official or beginning to make long-term plans.
Trust me, waiting longer could make the debt matter much worse than it already is. Your partner may believe you’ve broken his or her confidence, especially the truth will eventually come out later. It is also wise to know your partner’s reaction as soon as possible. If your partner is knowledgeable, sensible, and capable of dealing with life’s challenges, he or she will help you to improve your financial circumstances. When you honestly open up about your financial circumstances, he or she will not walk away.
It’s best to find out if your partner is unwilling to stay with you due to your debt burden before it’s too late. You shouldn’t spoil your sentiments or spend your valuable time in a completely materialistic relationship. I can relate the matter with the words of Harvey Earl Wilson, an American journalist, gossip columnist, and author – “This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.”
How should you do it?
First, honesty is key – When you’re prepared to talk about your debt, be sure you’re being totally honest about it. Debt issues should ideally be discussed as part of a deeper conversation that also includes your future objectives and dreams.
Avoid getting protective about your debt or portraying it negatively – As if you’re embarrassed about it. Be ready to talk about the type of debt you have, whether they are credit cards or unsecured loans. Prepare your numbers, so your partner has a solid picture of where you are. You might explain why you owe that much money and what steps you’re taking to get out of debt.
Your partner would undoubtedly understand if you indicated that you’re sincere about embracing responsibility for debt repayment and that you have a strong plan in place to get your financial life in order. You may find that your partner has had a similar experience and can assist you in getting out of debt by suggesting a better method.
If you find out you’re dating someone with debt, should it be a deal breaker?
As per a survey hosted by Finder.com, nearly three-quarters of American people (72 percent) stated they would end a loving relationship if their partners were in debt.
The types of debt you have would also be a deal-breaker.
- Credit card debt – 56%
- Student Loan Debt – 52%
- Payday loan debt – 49%
- Mortgages – 49%
- Auto Loans – 49%
- Personal Loans – 45%
- Medical Costs – 45%
With that much data in our hands, we can clearly conclude that when a partner finds out about another partner’s debts, they may think about ending their relationship. If the individual with debt shows a negative attitude towards debt repayment and does not possess a realistic view of their finances, the situation worsens.
What can you do?
You should maintain your transparency once you’ve revealed your great secret. Couples who speak well about money and debt can work together to solve financial problems and easily avoid financial difficulties.
If you owe too much debt, you should try to deal with it as soon as a relationship becomes serious. Don’t just spell out your financial condition without adding anything to it. The debt problem of one partner becomes vital for the other if the relationship has the possibility to progress to marriage. Apart from taking the necessary steps to have your finances in order, the most important thing you can do as you transition from dating to couplehood is to be open with each other. Even if it’s uncomfortable, talk about money and debt issues.
Share your triumphs and failures.
You can’t resolve all your financial problems at once. What you can do, though, is demonstrate that you’re making the necessary efforts to reduce your dating risk. Love isn’t always about flowers and chocolate; sometimes, it’s about honesty and a commitment to grow as a person, not just for your own sake but also for your partner’s good.
How to avoid allowing debt to create disparity in your relationship
Is it true that dating someone with negative credit has an impact on your credit score?
That question has a simple answer: No, it does not.
Your credit history and score will remain your own, while your partner’s credit history will be theirs. However, things may become more complicated after marriage. Your spouse’s credit history can impact your money in a variety of ways.
You and your partner can maintain two separate credit records related to your individual Social Security numbers as a couple (before marriage). Marriage does not change this scenario because there is no such thing as a couple’s credit report. The credit bureaus don’t even keep track of whether you’re married. If one (or both) of you make any changes in your names, it will not affect your credit, and you will not need to tell the credit bureaus.
The same goes for having debts. If one person has a large debt load, it will not affect his or her partner in any way. However, if you apply for:
- Credit lines together
- Open joint accounts
- Borrow any other loan together
the married state can affect you in the future. That’s why, before you become serious about your relationship, you should evaluate your credit reports and look over your financial records jointly, including wages, retirement funds, investments, and debts. As you embark on your life’s journey together, you must clearly understand how each of you manages money.
Debt or negative credit should not, in theory, cause any discord in a partnership. However, we humans are too emotional to deal with such financial matters, and we frequently cause problems in our relationships.
Disagreements over debt or credit concerns, as well as couples that dispute over money at least a few times annually, are typically connected to lower relationship quality.
If your partner has a huge amount of debt or a bad credit history, you can assist him/her in building a better credit history, improving the credit score, and guiding him/her out of debt. You can rest assured that any liens, outstanding debts, bankruptcies, or something like that should not appear on your credit report. However, until your partner’s credit improves, you should keep separate accounts rather than joint accounts, shared credit cards, merged student loans, etc.
Here are a few steps you can take together to overcome the situation
To begin, go to AnnualCreditReport.com and request a free copy of your partner’s credit report.
Check your credit report every several months to see how far you’ve come as a couple and adjust your plan as appropriate. That way, you can go over it together and figure out your financial status. Discuss what caused the problem, such as a layoff, excessive expenditure, or a lack of emergency preparedness, among other things. It is essential to be honest and nonjudgmental.
Because your spouse is already feeling bad, it’s best to reassure him and help him find a solution. At all costs, avoid bitterness. You should talk about how to get out of debt and handle your finances in such a way that it never repeats.
Make sure you have a realistic budget that both of you can stick to when you’re planning one.
Change your habits for the time being. For example, limit dining out and arrange cooked meals, avoid taking long trips, avoid shopping malls, and make a grocery shopping list, among other things.
Decide on a strategy for dealing with the issues. Create a list of collection accounts and their balances and pay them off one by one if necessary. Ensure that they get paid on time in the future. Reduce credit card debt to under 30% of the credit limit as soon as feasible to reduce credit utilization. In addition, your partner may want to work with one of the finest credit repair agencies to get rid of any particularly obstinate negative records.
You take the first step by scheduling a credit counseling appointment with a reputable agency.
Take your companion and talk about your debt issues. The counselor will provide advice and solutions for resolving the debt issue. If you believe you and your partner will be unable to repay your obligations in full, debt settlement may be an option. This option allows your partner to pay a lower amount than he owes.
However, he or she would have to pay taxes on the sum of the forgiven debt. If your partner owes money on a credit card, you may transfer the balance to a card with a low interest rate. It can be a vital tool for debt repayment after you’ve exhausted all other options for increasing your savings.
If you help overcome the debt issue, make sure you arrange your money together so both of you won’t have to deal with it again. Schedule one or two monthly financial sessions where you’ll exclusively talk about your finances and make plans to improve your financial circumstances.
Connect with a certified credit counselor to review your options.
Article last modified on September 20, 2023. Published by Debt.com, LLC