Dumbest apps

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Yes, there's an app for that — no matter how stupid the idea.

In 2009, Apple filed a trademark application to protect the catchphrase, “There’s an app for that.”

And while all catchphrases eventually retire on their own, Apple may have been right to lock down this sequence of words —  from zombies motivating your workout to automatic budgeting, there really is an app for that.

That also means there are apps for really stupid things. Check out the amazing “productivity” boosters in the dumb apps infographic below, and keep reading to find out the dumbest apps of 2014…

Dumbest apps of 2014

1. Brush DJ

Available on Android and iOS, Brush DJ helps you brush your teeth. The app plays music for two minutes while providing some helpful tooth brushing instructions like “spit out toothpaste” and “floss.” Oddly enough, this is aimed at adults.

The Verdict: According to Colgate, most dentists agree you should brush your teeth for a minimum of two minutes and the app does the math for you. I realized I wasn’t brushing as long as I thought, but dragging your phone into the bathroom and messing with the app before and after brushing twice a day is a pain.

2. iFrenchKiss

Available on iOS, iFrenchKiss is part instructional app, part game. Supposedly, the app will measure how well you French kiss, as long as you’re willing to lick your phone.

The Verdict: The developer claims the app has a “proprietary kissing analysis machine” and while they did say to use common sense and not overdo it, I refuse to lick a germ-infested iOS. However, many reviewers reported that French kissing your phone is hard.

3. Watermelon Prober

Available on Android, Watermelon Prober will test and rate the ripeness of your watermelons. To work the app, you place your phone on top of a watermelon, bang on the side of the fruit twice, and the app will give you a report complete with ripeness rating.

The Verdict: It was a shame to find this gem outside of watermelon season, but I now know my coffee table is “mature.” My sofa, laptop, newspaper and dog are also mature. Unfortunately, the app quit working before I was able to test myself, so we may never know how ripe I am.

4. iNap@Work

Available for iOS, iNap@Work aims to help you catch some shut eye at the office. The app has a group of sounds — like paper shuffling, typing and sneezing — that you can use to make it seem like you’re still working even though you’re really taking a power nap.

The Verdict: We don’t suggest your try this at the office. Odds are good your snoring would overtake the sound of the stapler coming from your smartphone, but if you’re into gag apps this one is fairly well-designed.

5. Wakie

Available on Android, Windows phones and iOS, Wakie is a ‘social alarm clock.’ Instead of a traditional alarm clock (so boring!) you can set a time you’d like to wake up and a stranger will call you through the app. For 60 seconds, the person can do basically anything they want to help you wake up. You can do the same for other users and there is a chat feature on the app.

The Verdict: Let’s say you like the idea of waking up to strangers singing “All About That Bass.” The app only works if someone is on and willing to place a call at the exact time you want woken up. There is an old fashioned backup alarm included, but it didn’t work every time I tried. If you rely on this app alone, you might be all about that pink slip.

6. Cuddlr

Available for iOS, Cuddlr has a simple goal: to help two strangers meet for an awkward cuddle session. Like many online dating or social apps, you fill out a profile and the app will connect you to another user in your area. From there, you can set up a cuddle session.

The Verdict: While I feel like this app might help me finally learn if those interior car trunk release pulls really work, I refuse to give it a go. The app requests a lot of permissions, including logging in through Facebook.

7. RunPee

Available for iOS, Android and Windows phones, RunPee finally has an answer to “Do I have time to run to the bathroom during this movie?” To use the app, you select what movie you’re seeing and the start time. The app vibrates to let you know when you can safely run to the bathroom without missing anything pivotal, and while you’re doing your business you can read a synopsis of anything you might have missed through the app.

The Verdict: Silly name, brilliant concept. The app is updated frequently with new movies, the chosen bathroom breaks are spot on and it doesn’t bother the person sitting next to you. If you usually find yourself doing the dance in your seat halfway through the movie, give the app a shot.

8. BroApp

Available for iOS and Android, BroApp puts your relationship on autopilot. The app sends pre-recorded text messages to your girlfriend throughout the day according to a schedule you set. It also has a built-in safety features to prevent sending messages when you’re together.

The Verdict: Technically, it works. The app sends emoji-filled, cutesy messages on time. And once you’re busted for this, you’ll have even more free time for “gaming, lifting or hanging out with the bros,” just like the creators of this app promised.

9. Yo

Available for iOS, Windows phones and Android, Yo lets you send a “Yo” in text and audio form to your contact list, or to your followers if you blog. (Seriously).

The Verdict: We’ll let Stephen Colbert decide this one: “When I first learned about an app that boils down all your communication into two letters, I expressed myself in one: ‘Y?’”

10. Poop Salary

Available for Android, Poop Salary answers the oft-wondered question, “How much am I making while in the bathroom?” You enter in your salary rate, start the timer and the app calculates the total for you while you’re well…you know.

The Verdict: Sadly, being self-employed I don’t get paid to use the bathroom, but after leaving this app running for a few minutes I did learn it won’t work if you use your phone while the timer is on. So if you’re that guy who makes calls from the bathroom stall, this one might not be for you.

11. Carrr Matey

Available for Android, Carrr Matey is a pirate-themed app that helps you remember where you parked your car.

The Verdict: The app has a few great features, like an alarm to remind you when a meter is about to expire, but you better strap on your peg leg and shoulder parrot because the pirate theme is everywhere.

12. LeftoverSwap

Available for iOS, LeftoverSwap lets you get rid of those pesky leftovers by sharing them with strangers in your vicinity. The basic premise is simple: you post your leftover food, someone nearby wants it, and you arrange a pickup time.

The Verdict: Amazingly enough, no one in my area was using this app when I tried it. I was really looking forward to that half-eaten burger too.

13. Perfect365

Available for iOS, Android and Windows phones, Perfect365 lets you touch up your selfies before you blast them all over Facebook. You can add makeup, cover blemishes and even add a smile to the photo you just took.

The Verdict: The app requires paid upgrades to use most features. It would be cheaper (and far less creepy) if you just smiled into the camera.

14. Ghost Radar

Available for iOS and Android, Ghost Radar helps you finally prove that banging sound isn’t coming from the plumbing. According to the website, the app “attempts to detect paranormal activity by using various sensors on the device.”

The Verdict: The app has two functions. A radar detector that randomly finds multicolored ghost dots and a ‘white noise’ recorder which periodically shouts random words like “studied” and “village.” Unless I’m being haunted by a monotone female voice actor, this doesn’t work.

15. HypnoMe

Available for Android, HypnoMe aims to help you hypnotize people using swirling screen images and sounds.

The Verdict: Surprisingly, you can’t hypnotize anyone from your smartphone, at least not with this app, but you can give yourself a migraine by opening it.

16. BIC Concert Lighter

Available for iOS and Android, BIC Concert Lighter is a simulated BIC lighter for use at times when you need a lighter but don’t actually need to create any fire.

The Verdict: This app gives you the ability to hold your hand up high in a concert and say to the world, “I don’t have a lighter, but I do have a picture of a lighter on my phone.” Not a statement I’d want to make, but it does work.

17. DrunkBlocker

Available for Android, DrunkBlocker is your answer to drunk dialing. The app lets you put phone numbers on a blocked list. Once the app is activated, you can’t dial the number without going into the app and passing a test to prove you’re sober.

The Verdict: This won’t save you from your drunken alter ego. After opening the app and hitting the home key I was able to make any call I wanted.

18. Anti Mosquito – Sonic Repeller

Available for iOS, Anti Mosquito claims to keep mosquitoes away from you outdoors. Supposedly, with your volume turned all the way up this app will emitted a high-pitched sound that drives the bugs away.

The Verdict: It isn’t mosquito season, but this did do an excellent job of sending my dog running into another room and then terrifying me when I accidentally clicked one of the many ads and a video started playing at full blast.

19. Bruh Button

Available for Android, the Bruh Button will say “bruh” anytime you push the large red button. And if that gets old it also has a challenging game feature. How many times can you push the bruh button in 15 seconds?

The Verdict: While I hate to knock a popular app with almost 20,000 reviews and a four-star rating, if you want to add more “bruh” to your vocabulary, just say it and save yourself the pop-up ad nightmares.

20. Watching Cute Girl

Available for iOSs, Watching Cute Girl is literally a young girl watching you, unblinkingly, from your iOS. As an add on feature, the girl occasionally talks depending on the time of day. And in case you start to crave more interaction, she’ll also take your picture and hold it up to you.

The Verdict: I’m not sure what is creepier. The unblinking eyes staring back at me or when she suddenly animates only to take my picture.

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Meet the Author

Angela Colley

Angela Colley


Colley is a freelance writer based in New Orleans.


apps, infographic, productivity, time management

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