They're smarter and wealthier than you are.
LeBron James and the Miami Heat are trying to win their third straight NBA championship this week, and I’m rooting for them. I’ve been a fan ever since LeBron won his first.
I live less than an hour from the Miami Heat arena, and this makes me a much-maligned “fair weather fan.”
Here’s a definition of that term from a bitter Miami Heat hater…
You only show up when your team has superstars that gives you highlight reels and wins night in and night out? Pathetic. Where were you when the Heat went 15-67 in 2007-2008? I see the arena more than half empty because you couldn’t give a damn about your Miami Heat when they lose.
Weirdly, that’s exactly how die-hard Heat fans spit in my face…
Dude, you’re a bandwagon jumper who gives all Heat fans a bad name! You get no respect for showing up only when we’re winning!
I don’t get respect because I got brains.
The stupid economics of sports fanatics
Where else in this capitalistic country do you get credit for purchasing a crappy product?
Let’s be clear: Being a sports fan is a business transaction. Those LeBron James T-shirts aren’t free. And tickets to tomorrow night’s Miami home game start at $240 – for standing room only.
Let’s look at this another way…
Your favorite restaurant
From 2007 to 2010, the food has been terrible, and the dining room has been empty. But in the middle of that year, the restaurant hires celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain.
Now it’s packed every night. But you rant to the new patrons…
Dude, I’ve been coming here WAY BEFORE it was any damn good! I suffered through repeated bouts of salmonella! You get no respect for showing up only when the food gets safe and tasty!
Your favorite actor
After Matthew McConaughey wins Best Actor of 2013 for his role in Dallas Buyer’s Club, you interrupt his new-found admirers…
Dude, I paid to watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days IN THE THEATER! And Ghosts of Girlfriends Past! And Surfer Dude! And Fool’s Gold! And I spent $100 on a framed Sahara movie poster! I’m a SERIOUS McConaughey fan! You’re just a bandwagon jumper!
Fair weather is better than all weather
I’ve saved thousands of dollars over my 49 years by not spending it on teams’ games and attire that didn’t return value on my investment. But don’t get me wrong, I’m a big sports fan.
As a boy growing up in Burlington, Vermont, I was a rabid fan of the Montreal Canadiens hockey team. My father took me to home games across the border, and I bought jerseys and programs and got autographs of all the players. (Seriously, I have a complete set of the 1977-78 Stanley Cup team.) I played junior hockey and pretended I was Ken Dryden.
The Canadiens won nine NHL titles in my first 15 years of life. Alas, they’ve won only twice since then. So my interest in hockey has waned, and those hours and dollars are now spent on the Miami Heat.
So go Heat!
Until you suck.
By then, perhaps the Miami Marlins will win another World Series, and I’ll pay attention for the first time since 2003. I was a big fan back then…