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10 dumb pet toys owners waste money on

Sorry, kids. When it comes to buying gifts for offspring or Fido, the dog will trump the son or daughter, according to a recent Google survey.

It found parents aged 25 to 34 are 30 percent more likely to spend money on pets than children, especially during the holidays. And those who earn more than $25,000 per year are 51.2 percent more likely to squander cash on their animals.

“Nowadays the American Dream is more centered around animal children than real children, ” says Ron Reich, sponsor of the survey and co-founder of several dog-related websites. “Long commutes make parents feel guilty about being away from their pets, so they lavish them with gifts.”

You read it right, he said “animal children.” We took a look at some of the ridiculous pet toys these “animal parents” can buy for their pets…

1. The Pet High Chair

If you want your small furry friend to keep you company at the table, this is just the gift. One maker says your animal can actually join you while you’re watching the big game.

Price: $50

2. Doggles

You guessed it — eye wear for dogs. After all, the website says, “For true eye protection or fashion, your pet deserves the very best.”

Price: $14-22

3. Sexy Beast Canine Fragrance

Not only will your smelly mutt’s coat contain aromas of mandarin and nutmeg oil, he or she will also have a beautiful and sensual soft-touch finish. The dogs in the neighborhood won’t be able to control themselves.

Price: $40

 4. The Hot Doll

A sex toy for dogs — not kidding. The makers assert that the toy gives your dog what he wants and, yes, there’s a hole in the back. There’s a commercial with classical music, should you dare to click.

Price: $208

5. Pet Stroller

Why do you take your pet out for a walk? So they can exercise and experience the outdoors. But this brand has mesh screening that unzips “so your pet can have an open air ride or bask in the sun.”

Price: $80 and up

6. Sasquatch Shoe Pet Bed

Cats will doze off almost anywhere, but snoozing in a shoe that looks like a croc made for a giant? Maybe not. But hey, what do we know, maybe it’s a shoe-in for success. (Sorry.)

Price: About $110

7. Pet Water Fountain

Yes, water is important and your cat and dog do need it fresh. But what’s wrong with a bowl? This stainless steel fountain features “five interchangeable spout rings included with each fountain. Pets no longer have to wait their turn for a quick lap of water.”

Price: $70

8. Fur Coats

Fur is fabulous — and even more fabulous on top of a natural coat of fur, apparently.

Price: $100

9. Kittywalk Carnival

This sounds a lot more fun than it looks: “The carnival is a combination of the carousel and the Ferris wheel with a connecting sleeve making both accessible to each other.” The picture just shows a cat sitting on a mesh platform adorned with little flags. There doesn’t seem to be any music or moving parts. Whatever happened to a mouse stuffed with catnip?

Price: $340

10. Bow Lingual Bark Translator

This is also available for cats. What if you find out your dog can’t stand you? That’s what happened to one Amazon reviewer:

I must say, I was shocked and saddened to learn just how much my dog hates me. Every time he bark he is saying something that mocks me! He makes fun of my weight, the way I dress, even the way I cook. He has such foul language too! I did not know a dog could cuss like that! Even the bullies that taunted me on the playground at school, and, now, the ones that taunt me by the water-cooler in the office are not as cruel and inhuman as my dog. This product makes me sad as I discovered things about my dog and his feelings for me that I would rather not have known. It ruined my life. 🙁

There you have it. Some relationships work best untranslated.

Price: $75

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